I recently became unemployed. I handed my notice in at work, without having found another job prior to this. An event that was planned yet crept upon me unknowingly. An event I am glad that happened.
Searching for jobs is one of my least favourite things, I turn into Scott Pilgrim reading an email. Scan read things, decide they are bo-or-ring! I mull over for what seems like forever, whether I should just try and get another dead end retail job as just a means of making money, or try a career change, try and work in a field that interests me more. I have tried to make money from doing the things I loved, I owned my own business, but I have to admit, I missed a steady wage, regular money coming in so I can do all the fun things I want, hang out with friends, go to places and see things, create. But with that come the pitfalls of working a full time job. My last job was a 40+ hour a week affair, which left little time to create. And if it’s one thing that has been a constant in my life, it’s a need to create.
I am one of those people who wants to create something all the time, I am one of those people whose brain never shuts off, I am one of those people that is full of ideas, sometimes so many, I cannot execute one before thinking about the other. I am also, as much as it pains me to admit, one of those people that invent a million excuses as to why such and such idea never actually came into fruition.
But now is the time.
I am unemployed, spent the first week of that creating an inviting and comfortable workspace, live at home so financial pressure is not that much of a burden (my income was the second in the house and sadly we cannot survive on one, so can’t sit around fannying about with felt all day!!!!) and no longer have the excuse of ‘my full time job leaves me no time for creativity’.
I feel like my clock is ticking.
Most people (mostly female too, sadly) reach my age and begin to feel like their clock is ticking. Their biological clock. Their life clock. The belief that at this age there are certain things you should have, certain targets you should have met. Life goals to some are meeting the one they love and starting a family. This has little or no interest to me (as something I want to spend my time actively seeking). My life goal is to make an impact. I have the right amount of arrogance needed to believe I can. But I don’t know if I have enough belief to make it happen. My clock is ticking because I could sit here for ever saying I am going to do this, going to create that, and before you know it my life has passed by and it was all talk. I’m not putting all my energies into finding the perfect man, I’m not putting all my energies into climbing the career ladder. So what am I putting them into?
With an obsessive, passionate personality, I am one prone to hero worship, especially as a teen. Banging on about how such and such inspires me and that was the best thing I ever heard/saw/was part of. What an impact it made upon me. But if [insert name of ‘hero’] ever turned round and said ‘I’m glad I inspired you to form that band’ I would have to reply with, ‘oh I never did’. What a waste! All this time I spent gushing about whomever, what did I do about it? Sit there and gush some more. Their efforts are wasted. I’m not saying I never went out and did anything, there a lots of things I have created am proud of, but I know I could create a lot more, if I didn’t sit around being inspired and talking about it.
Recently, someone who has been a huge inspiration of my adolescent life referred to me as an artist. I thought ‘if Kathleen Hanna can call me an artist, then why can’t I call myself one?!’. I am not one to shy away from making bold statements, I’m bolshie, loud and not ashamed to proclaim any talents I have (prime example is always taking over the dance floor), but never brave enough to call myself an artist, but f@!# it, I am Seleena Daye and I’m an artist!
There I said it, which now means I have to live it. It is something I have to do for myself and something I have to find within myself, yet sometimes, you do need a little push, a little inspiration.
Recent things that have inspired me are…..
Blythe Church. I stumbled across her by researching ‘felt art’. Her work is very similar to mine in that she makes everyday objects out of felt. She makes her felt by hand (which is something In don’t do but really want to now!) The fact that her work is very similar to mine and was regarding herself as an artist, encouraged me to keep making the things I do. Sometimes I think they have no purpose, making for makings sake, but attaching the ‘art’ tag helps me to want to create.
Emily martin, creator of Black Apple, artist, illustrator stitcher and more. I have been a fan of her work for a while and when I received a book of her work in paper doll form for Christmas, it only heightened my inspiration. Creating a craft/art related book is on my huge to do list and is slowly creeping it’s way to the top!
My Chemical Romance. Go on laugh, get it out of the way. I’ll admit it, I LOVE this band, and not in a guilty pleasure way. This band when they started out were kind of my age, Gerard Way in particular already assuming his life role and career choice, but turns round and says ‘you know what I don’t have to do this’. I am a firm believer of not doing something because it’s expected, if your unhappy, don’t do it. OK so I’m not going to become a mega rockstar, but, it is nice to reaffirm that you don’t have to decide what or who you’re going to be as soon as you leave school/college/university. I think too much fear is instilled in the young if they don’t get it tight straight away they never will. Plus the new album is well good, like Bis’ lost efforts!