Thursday, 1 December 2011

Breaking Dawn: Part 1

Regular Sugar Paper Gang blog readers will know that Kandy and I are a fan of the Twilight saga. Reading the books, buying the tat, attending the midnight showing. Yet somehow, this time it took us a week to to finally get round and see it! why is that?
Is it because Kandy and myself are so consumed with Harry Potter and MCR love (respectively)? because we just couldn't find the time to all go? Or because we were too frightened at the prospect of it actually being a film?
So I'm just going to say that I read Breaking Dawn and I really didn't like it, I was so disappointed by it I wrote my own version (Breaking Down). In fact I would go as far to say it's the worst book I ever read (and I've read Elizabeth Wurtzel's sequel to Prozac Nation).
So I'll try and keep this brief and coherent, WHAT THE F#'! WAS THAT!!
Admittedly the things I hated in the book were a little watered down for the film, but still.
These things in case you're wondering are....
Racism- only slight in the Brazilian jaunt, most of that will be in part two though.
Sexism- there's the whole pressure into getting married, the whole sex thing, the anti choice, the sex is bad, babies are bad, but keep them they will be loved, the whole Vampire male= super human vs mere female= human and therefore the weaker link when it DOES come to the sex.
Slight paedophilia- imprinting on a child, sorry but NO!
And then of course all those images of babied-up ill Bella circulating pro-anorexia sites!

But I knew all that was going to happen, so I can't really complain.
I can complain about what actual children will gain from it!
I mean there wasn't one thing in the film that they could surely enjoy ( I saw a girl around 10-11 leaving and wanted to say DID YOU ENJOY THAT, HOW?!?!?!?). I mean the only bit that didn't mess with your head was the Bella Edward almost sex in the sea scene, but when your ten, you think that stuff is gross right?
OK, so without my feminist vs mormon author review, what about the film?
It left me confused, really confused. I mean it was part tween horror (Edward ripping demon baby from sickly Bella's womb). Part quirky indie rom com (that Bella getting ready for sex scene) Part child fantasy (the wolves). Part 80s teen sci-fi (all that inner body venom stuff!) and last but not least part 90s teen film (THOSE CLOSING TITLES!!!! What were they? I half expected The Donnas to leap out and start playing!).
I'll tell you one thing though, despite the fact the make up department has forever made the Cullen's look like they just shared one pot of Snazzaroo between them, they made Kristin Stewart look bloody awful (no pun intended).
It was as hilarious and harrowing as a David Lynch rip off, and as anti everything I believe in as much as a white middle class man stopping a young black girl enter an abortion clinic!
Who knows what will happen to me when I watch Part 2!
in short......

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