Thursday, 10 September 2009

It's a fillum review pet!

So as you all know, I went to see this summers hottest indie flick the other day, it was alright, it's being promoted like it's the new Katie Price book or something, aiming for the this years Juno indie film award (but better, because even though I have never witnessed the annoyance that is Ellen Page in Juno I know it's a bag of lamb shank).
I got to thinking that if I was to swede* (500)**Days Of Summer, it would go something a little like this.....

(500) Dayes Of Seleena: (cue moans and eyes rolling from my friends)
So I'm in the lift at work (when I eventually get a job) with some hott face indie guy, swoon. He's listening to Kenickie on his Sony Walkmen, I'm nodding my head singing along, he notices.
"you like Kenickie" he says
"yes" I reply
"do you like The Smiths?" I ask
"not really no" he replies
"OH EM GEE, me either, we must be like 2 of 40 people in the world who don't, let's go and sing karaoke".
I sing Lisa Loeb, Stay (I missed you) he sings Lit's my own worst enemy. I let him cop a feel and give me a kiss.
We then go on dates to Ikea where I get barred for attacking screeching children with a balloon whisk. I'm sad as I wanted to be a kooky indie girl and kiss on the dalvseg bed. Instead we have to go home, watch late night Hollyoaks and have sex in the shower, he laughs at me wearing a shower cap, thinks I'm quirky, I tell him I'm a girl with an afro, I don't do wet hair.
We make sure our dates are only in 'cool' places like record shops. we have conversations like
"who's your favourite Beatle?"
I vom in my mouth and reply "I don't have one,I find them all equally yawnsville".
He draws on my arm, I get it tattooed on, he has a shit fit, I tell him to stop being such a flake, he says "yeah you're right I am a bit of a lame emo indie loser sometimes, but my face is hot".
We go to a bar, a guy comes on to me, I punch him, again we get barred.
We go to a cafe, I tell him I'm dumping him for someone else becasue my mix tapes are better than his, he does a big emo cry, I say NOT REALLY, but your tapes definitely have room for improvement.
We then go and do a song and a dance.

*that thing they do in Be Kind Rewind
**ohh arty parentheses


Anonymous said...

Is there anything you can't write fan fic about?

S-K said...!

i'd rather you lied said...

can you send this to me on a letter so i can read it every day please? ta babes xx